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Find a man for Condi

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Find Condoleezza Rice a man

Condoleezza Rice has gone to Russia and made statements that were disagreeable to Russian political leader Vladimir Zhirinovsky. He responded with a blistering attack, excepts of his comments follow.

"Condoleezza Rice released a coarse anti-Russian statement. This is because she is a single woman who has no children. She loses her reason because of her late single status. Nature takes it all.

"Such women are very rough. They are all workaholics, public workaholics. They can be happy only when they are talked and written about everywhere: "Oh, Condoleezza, what a remarkable woman, what a charming Afro-American lady! How well she can play the piano and speak Russian! What a courageous, tough and strong female she is!

"This is the only way to satisfy her needs of a female. She derives pleasure from it. If she has no man by her side at her age, he will never appear. Even if she had a whole selection of men to choose from she would stay single because her soul and heart have hardened. Like Napoleon, Genghis Khan, Tamerlane, or Alexander the Great of Macedon Ms. Rice needs to fight and release tough public statements in global scale. She needs to be on top of the world.

"Complex-prone women are especially dangerous. They are like malicious mothers-in-law, women that evoke hatred and irritation with everyone. Everybody tries to part with such women as soon as possible. A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though.

"This is really scary. Ms. Rice's personal complexes affect the entire field of international politics. This is an irritating factor for everyone, especially for the East and the Islamic world. When they look at her, they go mad.

"Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied. On the other hand, she can hardly be satisfied because of her age. This is a complex. She needs to return to her university and teach students there. She could also deal with psychological analysis.

"The true reason of Ms. Rice's attack against Russia is very simple. Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel, offended woman who lacks men's attention. Releasing such stupid remarks gives her the feeling of being fulfilled. This is the only way for her to attract men's attention," Vladimir Zhirinovsky said.

We want to help.

We are taking applications at StaggerOn.org to match Condi up with a suitable man. We believe that a woman is such an important position needs her itch scratched. Submit your entries and photos to us and we will select and publish the prospective partners for her to choose from.

Send them to us here: Find Condi a Man

Submitted Candidates:

NAME: Shaun Beckler

AGE:
27

OCCUPATION:
Snowboarder

WORDS FOR CONDI:
Hey Babe, I wanna squeeze yer chocolate milk boobies then we can mack some Oreos and have some 420 time!

NAME: Mr. Data

AGE:
N/A

OCCUPATION:
Fictional Sci Fi Character/Android

WORDS FOR CONDI:
I am conversational in historical, current and future events. I speak all known human languages. I have musical talent on all instruments and I am "fully functional".


NAME: Donna "Tank" Mulligan

AGE:
48

OCCUPATION:
Truck Driver

WORDS FOR CONDI:
It takes a woman to know how to treat you like a lady. I want to touch you like you have never been touched before. Keep on trucking!

NAME: Sam Hartline

AGE:
33

OCCUPATION:
Mercenary

WORDS FOR CONDI:
You will be my dusky bitch. I will own you. I will take you hard, and you will love the pain.

NAME: Mystery Guy

AGE:
Classified

OCCUPATION:
Sort of like a C.E.O.

WORDS FOR CONDI:
Brownie, yer doin' a heck of a job!

NAME: Billy H. Gates IV

AGE:
19

OCCUPATION:
Hacker

WORDS FOR CONDI:
A supertanker named after you? My daddy could buy a country and I can name it after you. Then we can rule it as king and queen.

 

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